Balance

And loss.

How do we keep balance of life?

I simply keep listening to my body. My body brings me home to myself.

I have been watching myself and so many other things that fascinates me, that I need to learn or master and yet I stand for a cause to help others. The latter is sometimes to my detriments.

I find myself always checking in with my family. Whether it be their status quo to mostly annoying the crap out of them in every possible way! I love to see their kids smile. It feels like they are mine.

I lost my very dear nephew recently, who was overworked simply because he wanted to take care of his older girlfriend and her 13 year old child. He died at 26! He tried to provide for her and her entire family and his own family. He had hopes of marriage on a ridiculous salary for customer care. I witnessed how brilliant he was at i,t but he was suffering. Suffering to please everybody!

My sister is still suffering now! And it breaks my heart! Her work isn't that supportive. I heard her crying at her desk several times. Almost every night she mourns her lovable child which gives the best hugs. I heard her snap at her most patient husband ever that serves as a captain in the police force and that has always come to my rescue in my times of need. She, herself as well. I hear, see and feel her cries.

It feels like I am loosing a battle as well but this could be an illusion or the greatest blessing in disguise. I am yet to discover.

But “Forth, forth my heart goes!”... To be continued!